Sublime

i used to be able to suppress
my depression but now there’s
no-one to suppress it for.
everyone has their own life.
be it troubled, or not.
now i know what it feels
like to be the kind of person
i always hated and belittled.
i can’t go out every night
of the week, i can’t stay
at home warm and dry. i’ve
nowhere to go.

where’s it going to end all
this
if i can’t leave the house ?
from the life and soul of a
raging party
to the timidity of a mouse

i honestly thought it was getting
better and that i was too but
here i am again dreading the
thing i purportedly love the
most and hurting the people i
love the most because i cannot
rest. what do i become if i’m
not me, half a person ?
someone who can love and be
loved in return ? shall i try it?

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